Don't Put Your Foot in Your Mouth When Giving a Toast
by Dana Bristol-Smith

Greg, my husband, and I were at a friend's wedding reception last weekend. The hostess, Alice, was standing around waiting to cut the cake. She turned and said to me, "Boy everyone is so shy, I hope someone says the toast soon so we can cut the cake!"

Apparently, the man who had said he would propose the toast - Guido, a total extrovert, was in the middle of a long-winded story (which he always is). After about ten minutes, Guido finished his story and came over to the champagne table. We all assembled and got our champagne. Guido raised his glass and said "It has been a long and arduous journey for Chris and Deborah to find each other. But now they have. I hope that they will continue to walk this journey called life together 'til the end of their days." We raised our glasses, clinked, and drank.

I later learned that Deborah is Chris's sixth wife. Arduous journey indeed! I appreciated the tact that Guido showed at the wedding
reception in not elaborating on Chris's marital history. I'm sure it would have been easy for Guido to joke about Chris's multiple marriages and his difficulties in staying married.

Unfortunately though, as I have asked around, there are plenty of people who propose toasts, who flat out shouldn’t. Open mouth, insert foot---they do!

How about these toasts:

1. The bride's father (a true pessimist) saying that he sure hopes this works out.
2. A best man (who is drunk) elaborates on the groom’s past girlfriends, with way too many embarrassing details, and forgets to mention the bride.
3. A groom’s father toasting his son and “current” wife at the reception.

In this season of celebrations, you may be called upon to propose a toast and I want you to be ready. I’ve prepared a few tips to help you give a good toast and avoid giving a bad one.

If you’d like to see my live toast and tips go to my recent TV interview on Inside San Diego, How to Propose a Toast.

How to Give a Good Toast

1. Stand where you can be seen and raise your glass
2. Introduce yourself and the occasion
3. Share a personal sentiment or story about the honorees
4. Share a hope for the future
5. Raise your glass and drink

How to Give a Bad Toast or, Open Mouth Insert Foot

1. Have several drinks before
2. Make it long
3. Make it too personal
4. Make it a put-down
5. Make it about you

And now, a couple of good examples of toasts sent in by my Ezine readers. Thank you to Vicki and Michelle!

From Vicki in Fremont, CA.

One of the best toasts I heard was at my aunt and uncle’s 50th wedding anniversary party. The reason I remember it so well was because my relatives tend to be pretty quiet folks, and being Japanese American, it is not part of the Japanese culture to brag about yourself or others. This toast was so heartfelt and sweet. And not something you would hear a Japanese person talk about. My uncle’s brother, who gave this toast, was one of the more verbal and personable of the siblings.

He shared a story about my aunt and uncle’s dating. He went on to show how my uncle, never was one to say much about anything. He gave several examples where my uncle never said anything, including a series of examples at the family grocery store where it would have been advantageous if my uncle spoke up. He proceeded to describe how my lovely aunt was the woman who seemed to bring him out to express himself more. The ending of this story was about how my aunt and uncle were off on a date, and how as they were driving along the highway, they passed this hotel (something with a funny name like, The Pink Poodle, or something like that!), and my uncle actually spoke up and said, “We’ll stop here!”

I think this was such a great moment because it took a period in time from a long time ago, the early years of my aunt and uncle’s dating, and brought it back to the now, so that many generations could enjoy this story that none of us knew. And it was delivered so lovingly, with real brotherly affection. We all just enjoyed the moment.

From Michelle in San Diego, CA., who has used this toast at a wedding:

To the bride and groom – I wish for you that when you reflect on your wedding day years from now, today is the day you loved each other the least.

And, to all my readers:

I raise my glass to you. May you propose a great toast! Cheers!

About the Author
Dana Bristol-Smith is the founder of Speak for Success, an organization that works with companies that want their people to communicate with confidence and credibility. You can email Dana at:dana@speakforsuccess.net

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